An old piece of writing
Author’s note: I was 23 and had experienced what I thought was the worst heartbreak of my life. It ended up playing a huge role in the development of Constellations & Creations and the life it has taken on today. During this time I developed some of my favorite styles and ideas for the pieces you all love today. I poured myself and what I was feeling into it. The relationship itself served as a massive lesson.
I found this in my iPhone notes (lol) and was a little shocked by my own writing. I had written from a very detached POV.
By Emma Cario
Written October 23rd, 2023
My eyes were opened to a whole new world that I had never dreamt of. It’s a very real one. But it’s still dream. So much freedom. The atmosphere is filled with the invincibility of youth as well as bold stupidity. With our vivaciousness of youth, seems to come a bold approach to life. Some of us are wild and impulsive— nothing seems satisfying for long. We seek constant change.
Heartbreak is a funny thing. People hate being heartbroken but they go seeking it. Heartbreak fuels such a creative outlet, that people revolve their lives around it. What a dangerous thing— something so sad fuels passion. People revolve their lives around it, going from one toxic relationship to the next because they run on the drug of heartbreak. Heartbreak in itself is not very pleasant but what leads to it addicting. The love, the sex, holding onto a person filled with little hopes— two broken people clinging onto nonexistent shards with bloody hands trying to keep their heads high. It becomes devastating quickly when there’s nothing to hold the bond so the lovers split. And then that is when they realize how alone they are. Loneliness is an odd concept because when you analyze the hell people go through to not feel empty, they put themselves through more shit just to distract themselves. The distraction is what creates the difference between the heart-broken and the heartbreakers
Broken people crave heartbreak— it’s their drug: the idea that they can change us. They hold this kind of hope that if they can’t save themselves, they can save someone else. The only person they can save is themselves. To think that they can control the happiness they give someone else—
I mean, heartbreakers are broken too. Some of us enjoy the profound effect we have on others. We observe that there’s a person who is willing to do anything for us and we don’t really pay them much mind because we aren’t appreciating them for what they are willing to do for us and we don’t realize this until they’re gone. It’s honestly kind of depressing. These people would do anything for us and are frustrated with us and stay because they hang onto the little bit of hope we feed them to keep them around. It’s a dangerous thing to do, playing with someoe’s feelings like that just to feed our own egos
Danger is a good lure to the inexperienced, though the dangerous view heartbreak as a game.
A conversation between a friend and I recently consisted of, “I really could ruin this person’s life, but I’m not because it’s too unfair to them.” It’s fucked to view someone as a play toy rather than an actual person, it’s belittling to the people we discussed. In the conversation there was a high amount of indifference involved. Afterwords it made me laugh because the likelihood is that the same conversation had been had about me in the past. To be heavily desired is something that people want but there’s a consequence of ego. There is a flaw in that mindset. we have all been in the boat of the heartbroken but something turned us into the heartbreaker.